the week

dave bogle

HOME
ARCHIVES





© dw bogle 2001

09 Nov 2001

Smaller Than Actual Size

Moggy Menaces Mansfield
The sighting of a panther in Hawick has resulted in many ingenious ideas being put forward to assist in the hunt for the predatory pussy.  Most have been silly and impractical, but it is understood that the Council are to take up an idea first suggested in this very website:  so any day now, Council engineers will install in the area a giant litter tray, which experts believe will prove irresistible at times of pussy desperation.  A cunningly concealed dart gun, and Bingo!  One captive cat.


Cat's Again
In a thoroughly irresponsible outburst, Dean Peter Tyler has advised female students at St Catharine's College Cambridge to stop drinking and to keep their clothes on.   A cruel blow to male students - and not a few dons - who have spent half their lives pleading with them to do the exact opposite.  Why can't they leave well alone?

This Week's Good Cause
Songwriter Pete Waterman, who on Pop Idols revealed heartbreak that few of us can ever imagine:  "It's like getting to No. 2 in the charts instead of No. 1", were his brave words to the nation, "It's just heartbreaking".   Please remember people like Pete.  Please give as much as you can afford. 

Next week
Falling property prices in Mustique:  can we just stand idly by?

 
FROM OUR ARCHIVES
Alien Big Cats are only one type of the many different creatures that appear outwith their natural habitat.  The best-known case in recent years was the Great Stampede of Dorset, which we reported in 1993:

Piddle-on-Sea, Dorset
Peonies were trampled and all but the worst-behaved children were kept indoors, when a herd of migrating wildebeest brought terror to the Lavender Lane area of this quiet seaside town, before disappearing as mysteriously as they had arrived.  

In an unrelated incident in the town, we understand that Excise Officers and government chemists have raided an unregistered scrumpy factory...



BEPPE WHUTSON'S LETTER

Dear Maister Editor

Big Kat ee're looking for?  Naaaaah, ah canna say ah've seen her the day at a'.   Mebbe she's in the Vic.

Funny lot that faimily onywey.  Ah deh think she gets oan wi' that uncle o' hers at a'.  Deh ken what it's a' aboot, mind, but ah'm shair hei comes frae Copshee, so mebbe ee're better no' asking.   Oh aye, that's right - they're no' Hawick like yow and mei.

Arrivederci auld freend

Beppe