| HOME ARCHIVES |
| 16 Nov 2001 |
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| King Mswati III of Swaziland |
Scandal in Swaziland
It's that time again in Swaziland, when in the famous reed ceremony hundreds
of bare-breasted maidens dance in front of the King, and he chooses one
as his new wife of the year (how do people get jobs like that? You
never see them in the Hawick News). This year, however, Mswati
made a boob, selecting a 17-year-old girl as his ninth wife.
The problem with this is that in an attempt to curb the spread of AIDS Mswati had recently revived the ancient code of umchwasho, which forbids girls to have sex until they are 18; he also imposed a 5-year ban on sex for all teenagers. Unsurprisingly this measure proved rather unpopular, and there had already been many demonstrations against it - and when the King himself flouted it so openly there were angry protests both from frustrated teenagers and from representatives of chastity groups.
The King defused the situation by fining himself a cow, before going back to bed with his favourite 17-year-old.
Santa Claus
Back in this country, a Jobcentre official in Exeter has revived the ancient
tradition of Jobsworth, the inability to apply common sense to
everyday life. Shopkeeper Bruce Robinson was astonished to be told
that he could not advertise for a Father Christmas as it discriminated
against women. After taking it to the top, and explaining he would
be happy to employ a lady with a deep voice, whiskers, a big belly and
no discernible bosom (so he knows my ex, does he?) he received an apology,
and an assurance that it was all a "misunderstanding".
Personal Reminiscence
At one Sunday School Christmas party we were all confused and horrified
to spot that Santa Claus was wearing stiletto heels and women's stockings.
What a relief when we realised it was only old Mr Snoddie the Minister
and that our familiar, comforting world hadn't changed after all.
| UMHLANGA REED DANCE |
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| The
Umhlanga takes place yearly in September. Attracting maidens
from all over the kingdom, it is an occasion for the girls to pay
tribute to the Swazi royal family. The girls gather reeds to
use in the dance, and dress themselves in short bead skirts, jewellery
and not a lot else before dancing for the king.
Intriguingly this is not an ancient tradition, and although the Swazi sites are coy about exactly when it started, we suspect it was either the present king or the previous one who invented it as a way of spicing up their annual party. The Dance of the Bare-Breasted Maidens?! What's wrong with Pass The Parcel, like other people? |
| NCWALA CEREMONY |
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 They like their sex, these Swazis. The Ncwala ceremony is the most sacred of all their rites, and is held in December or January each year. One part of the rite has the male youths of the country gathering the sacred branches of the Lusekwana shrub. Tradition has it that the leaves of this shrub will wilt in the hands of any youth who has been intimate with a married woman, or who has impregnated a young maiden. After a bit of bull-slaughtering and feasting on new fruits, the festivities end with the burning of the king's bedding and household items, a cleansing operation in preparation for the New Year. |
| HOLIDAYS IN SWAZILAND |
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There is a very successful tourist trade in Swaziland, September being especially popular. The Swazi site is a logical place to start if you want to learn more about this country. |